1. Make a date. Many people complain that what passes for or "dating" these days consists of little more than meeting up at a bar or a coffeeshop, or simply hanging out at one of the other's respective home. And while there's nothing implicitly wrong with doing either one of these things, it's important to find time and places in which you can at once be alone and have the chance to get to know each other in relaxed, entertaining and maybe even romantic environment. It's hard to have a good conversation in a bar, harder still when that bar is full of mutual friends. Likewise, just going to someone's house early can have the unusual effect of both introducing misleading expectations with regards to physical intimacy and/or compromising the romance. I know full well that in 2006, ordering a pizza and renting a dvd is infinitely cheaper than the old standby of dinner but a really magical date can be as simple and cheap as a walk in the park, literally. Think outside the box. Ingenuity ups the surprise factor. Consider doing something neither one of you has ever done before. It doesn't have to be fancy or expensive. It doesn't a waltz and an orchestra to sweep a woman off her feet.
2. Sell yourself. There's a fine line between being yourself and
appearing like you just don't care. Let's just put it this way: if
you're wearing sweatpants to your first date, and that first date
doesn't involve the two of you training for the marathon together, you may have a problem. And I'm very serious when I say this goes for both women and men equally. If she's constantly showing up in a dress and heels and you haven't shaved in three days, consider what that's telling her.
3. Don't give it all away immediately. It is both unadvisable and unnecessary to spill your life story on your first date. Leave your baggage at home and retain some of the mystery. Save some of your best stories for later, dropping details like petals, constantly leaving something new to pique his or her interest.
4. Share the space. Ask questions, be interested, listen. You may be agreat amateur stand-up comedian or expert at the dramatic monologue but your date is not your audience. Communication is all about give and take. This also seems like a good time to remind you to be careful of bragging. We all want to share the parts of our lives that are interesting or exceptional or cool, but be careful of what you're trying to sell. The converse of this is also true. Self-deprecation may seem charming, but it rarely ages well.
5. Change your focus. Little things like making eye-contact can mean a lot. When you make a date, have the date be about you and the person you're with. If that date does include hanging out with other friends, make sure you introduce your date, make sure your date is included in conversations.
6. Never underestimate the power of a romantic gesture. Though it may seem silly, things like flowers and love letters still mean something. This is not about spending money on gifts or showering people with expensive trinkets. Again, this is about being person, being intimate,and it doesn't have to cost a thing.
With Compliments
Cheryl
(For more information or to purchase a copy of "The Commitment
Chronicles," please visit www.commitmentchronicles.com)
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