Playful Parenting

The Fun in parenting

Raising kids is serious business, but making time for fun is equally important.

7 secrets to raising happy kids

Parents should be the space where children can express themselves freely and just have fun. -- ST FILE PHOTO

There is so much advice on parenting these days, it is enough to make any parent run screaming, a harried father once remarked to me.

In the serious job of parenting, where is the room for fun?

But play is important, says Ms Katy Harris, a behavioural therapist who works at the Kaleidoscope Therapy Centre in Novena. Fun and play are like immunisation, protecting kids against all the other tough things in life.

'They are the antidote to 'trying hard' and coping with urban life - be it learning self-care, skills or routine tasks - everything from how to clean our teeth to knowing the letters of the alphabet, to managing school,' Ms Harris said in an e-mail interview with Mind Your Body.

Ms Harris tells parents that eating, dressing and bathing all offer opportunities for teasing, making up stories and using the imagination. Children learn useful watching skills, steps and sequence abilities, memory lessons, good listening and engagement - all the secret weapons to learning well in school.

'If in doubt go for using what you have - the tins in the cupboard to play shop, the pans in the kitchen to play drums, old socks to make puppets, rice and pasta to glue into pictures. It doesn't take a toy store - only love and a commitment to sharing through joy,' she says.

Ms Suvi Pitkola, an occupational therapist at the centre says the most fun activities are three-dimensional, concrete and real. They involve using all our senses: touch, smell, taste, hearing and listening, vision, movement and body position. She says the best fun is when the child leads.

'The adult is not telling the child what to do and how, but creates a situation in which the child can take charge and use his own imagination and curiosity to come up with play ideas,' she said.

Parenting coach and father of two boys Kenny Toh says he tries to do this by understanding his kids' preferences first.

'Our boys have different tastes - Sean, eight, finds soccer with Dad fun, while Dylan, six, prefers 'cerebral' games like chess and Scrabble,' he said.

He offers another perspective, which is that parents could create a relaxed atmosphere conducive to playfulness. 'Do our children look forward to being with us, or their favourite uncle or aunt who are more fun to be with?'

So it is not how much time you spend with the children but how they feel around you which matters. 'Do they feel comfortable to be spontaneous and do crazy things in our presence, or are they always fearful of being scolded or nagged?' he said.

Mr Toh believes that ultimately to raise happy children, parents should be the space where children can express themselves with freedom - sort of like a safe playground on which they play their hearts out and have fun.

- SHEFALI SRINIVAS